Category Archives: Life

The most overrated thing in Britain…

…is TEA!

That’s right. It’s not overly fake, pointless reality TV shows. It’s not the supremely talentless and obviously mental LadyGaga. It’s not fake tan that makes people look like they should be incorporated into a traffic light. It’s the thing that us Brits are most stereotyped for other than our supposedly ‘posh’ accents (come pay a visit to South Yorkshire); Tea.

Everyone bloody loves it. My mum, my dad, my sister, my girlfriend, my brother-in-law, my best friends. The list is bloody endless. They all have it a different ‘way’. Some like it with loads of milk, some don’t. Some like spoonfuls of sugar in their’s, others don’t. I like mine like this:

No sugar. No milk. No teabag. JUST WATER PLEASE!

Y’see, I really like water. In fact, sometimes, I’ve gone as far as saying that water is my favourite drink, so much more refreshing than a Dr. Pepper or Sprite, so much less symptomless than cider and Bailey’s (awful stuff). It’s just plain, boring, as-close-to-natural-as-you-can-get water. So why poison it with what is essentially leaves that keep you awake all night and can give you many unwelcome side-effects.

People look at me like I’m crazy when I say I don’t like tea or coffee. Being a Yorkshireman it seems it’s even more of a crime. I’ve tried all the different ‘ways’ you can have it, but I just end up squirming in disgust and wishing for a pint of water. Tea just ain’t my cup o’ tea… wait…

So, all you folk outside of Britain who think us British go around pronouncing our T’s and P’s as precisely as possible, sipping tea and singing God Save Our Gracious Queen, just remember there’s me saying this:

Tea’s blood’eh ‘orrible an’t Queen can begger off!

Ya get me?

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Losing the will to live with Facebook

I’ve endured five years of Facebook. A lot of those five years were made up of my pointless status updates and cringe-worthy tags in pictures, most of which I’d rather people wouldn’t put up anyway. I’d write things that I thought would be funny and get a small feeling of happiness whenever that rare moment came along when someone would ‘like’ it. I’d be able to brag at the good things in life, write what I had for dinner that day and make out that I’m incredibly ‘with it’ by saying “The devil is my bitch”. Yes, I know, I was a pathetic, sorry excuse for a human being.

So thank God things have changed! Facebook timeline has just reinforced my vague view that 3-5 years ago I was a complete moron with no sense of humour, very little personality and an obsession with how I’m perceived by the rest of the world. Now I’m one of those who couldn’t give a damn, partly thanks to Fight Club for opening my eyes to what is real and important in the world, and my girlfriend who loves who I am despite all my foibles. I’m no longer trying desperately to be the person that society wants me to be. But enough of this soppy shit. None of you want to hear all that!

Right now I’m thinking I’m going to deactivate my Facebook account and never use it again. But with this thought comes many others on what the consequences might be. I’ve held off from leaving in the past because I feel it’s an extra way of keeping in contact with friends and family who are too far away to see face-to-face. Another reason is that I feel people would forget about me, not invite me to get-togethers, and I’d eventually become lonely and depressed having no contact with those who I was once friends with. What has my life come to if I feel I need to rely on some crappy website to be remembered as a human being?

Weighing up these negatives with the smaller, but more numerous, positives is a tough thing to do, but I know that in the very near future I’ll leave Facebook for good. I’ve decided to be determined to not let my friends slip away from me, to keep in contact with them no matter how far away they are. Being shy and reclusive doesn’t help but after all the crap put up on Facebook by the makers and the folks that I follow, I really can’t be arsed with it all any more.

And please, don’t ‘like’ this post:

I’d prefer to hear your words than see your clicks.

Are you there, God? It’s me, Michael

Well, aren’t I tackling the massive questions early on! They don’t get much more massive than “Is there a God?”, and like many people in the world religion and the existence of God is a subject that I can talk for England about. It’s not because I’m a particularly religious person. It’s not that I’m a hardened atheist. It’s because I find the whole idea of religion incredibly interesting. Someday, for no spiritual reason, I want to read the Bible. My name’s Michael, I’m twenty-three, and I’m an agnostic.

Yep, I’m a fence-sitter. I’m a sitter of fences. My backside has been neatly perched on the fence. It’s not one of those painful, spiky fences though. It’s actually quite comfortable. And why is it that I’m sat on the fence, other than for metaphorical effect? Well, it’s because of the alternatives.

Take atheism for example. The whole belief that you die and that’s it doesn’t swing with me too much. If I had that state of mind I’d be walking around thinking “what’s the point? It’s unlikely I’ll be remembered by anyone in the future. Existence is futile”, and be a miserable, depressed git who people would rather not speak to. Some atheists are completely ignorant of religious folk, failing to acknowledge that it relies on faith and belief not facts and figures. These people are often… nobheads.

Then there’s theism, the belief in a God, and on the outside it seems quite pleasant. When you die, so long as you’ve led a good life, you go somewhere comforting and serene for the rest of eternity. You’ll have a reunion with friends and family that you were around in your life. On the other side of the coin, though, there may be rules you must obey; you’ll have to go to church, you’ll be sent to hell if you’re a homosexual, and if you use the word “fuck” in the same sentence as “God” then you’re likely to outrage some religious folk. Sorry about that.

Instead, then, I just live my life how I think it should be lived. And if, when I die, I am brought before God in order to repent my sins then I’ll admit I was wrong not to worship Him/Her/It as my creator. But I won’t regret anything I’d done in my life. The way I see it there’s loads more to being a good person than drinking wine and eating bread, singing carols in a church and putting your hands together before a meal.

I don’t need the Bible to tell me that. I want to read it though. To me, it’s a bit like Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter:

A bloody good story!

I aBLOGagise in advance

I’ve read around and have realised that many bloggers, when first starting to create a blog, spend a lot of time trying to think of a niche that they wish to tap in to. Well, my friends, I’ve thought about it and have realised I don’t want one! There’s going to be no common audience. One post could be about something completely different to the one before it. I’m sorry about this, but I do get distracted easily and feel the need to write about something completely different quite often.

What this blog will have are the ramblings of one incredibly shy and reclusive writer. I would expect these ramblings to come in the form of reviews, magazine-style articles and the senseless typing of things that make me angry, sad or happy… but what do I know? ‘Spontaneity’ is my favourite word! Well, either that or ‘foible’… I like that one too.

So if you fancy keeping track of this unpredictable load of old toss then make sure to return. If you feel like it you could make a comment on one of the many things I’ll be writing about. It’d be nice to hear from you, just so long as you have the time. I don’t want to put you out!

Well, would you listen to me! Rambling on already when I could have basically summed up what this blog is by saying this:

I Am What I Write

It’s pretty pretentious but I couldn’t give a shit. It sounds good!